i wrote this in may but i've been thinking alot about it lately.... i have it in my blog with a song and a pic of addy that i love... still... but i want to take it all back.. or at least i think and feel i do but i know i don't... i wrote this when i sent one of my closest friends straight to helll... i'm submitting it again cause i have nothing else to do i guess... i have been doing alot of thinking lately. i have been giving myself excuses and making up stories in my mind... i've even been reading my horoscope... in need of believing in something... in need of being girly and hurt... and feeling... in need of feeling loved and wanted and great... but it doesn't seem to happen to me... jaimico left yesterday to new york for 3 weeks and all he sent me was a text to my cel saying "bye angie" and that was it. all i got was nothing when i gave everything and lost alot on the way there... he has asked me to wait for him but i don't know if i should... well i do know but i don't want to do wat i should do. i love him... today i was talking to a co-worker about a friend of ours. he calls his wife all these sweet names and is always telling her cute things and stuff... i think it's kinda discusting. i dunno, it's weird to have all those pet names and stuff... so anyways this guy just looked at me and told me "then u've never been in love". but the thing is that that is far from the truth. i have been... and i am rite now... i'm just lost within me so nothing can be done on the matter. and now i'm looking for answers outside... like if i'm gonna find something... and there isn't anything there... i want to keep writing but if i don't post this now i'm not gonna be able to do it later on and i wanna do it today. so i'll add... someday ^_^...
STILL
Heavy breathing… Sobby eyes… Stillness... Quietness…
You are not a friend, you can not be considered an allied.
You that already knows all the deep dark little secrets. You
that I have cried and laughed with. You that I have loved and
hated. You that I have kissed and hurt. I need to scream
because now there is no one left to listen. You are gone and
there is no scheduled return. You are no longer needed and
you have been fired from my life. You that I am indifferent to.
You that I no longer think of. You that I have no feelings for. You
that I am not writing about. You that I will not name. You that I
do not wish for. There is nothing I will do to apologize. I will not
bring you back this time. I will not cry for you anymore. I will not
waste my time on you. No more heavy breathing. Leave behind the
sobby eyes. Good bye to stillness. And so long to quietness.
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