thinking thoughts

Living these moments in a dream of you
sitting next to me can’t last forever when
beneath this jaded illusion is our reality.
I love you to the core and back but can’t
fight for this any longer. How do we say
that what was there is still there but isn’t
enough to go on? Where can I stop time
and stay in our golden days? And every
kiss still sucks me in and leaves me
breathless. Every touch turns my
stomach into nods. But the thought of
you makes me bittersweet. I became us
so much that I left me in the gutter for
dead. So attached to you that I no longer
had a name. My needs defined by your
wants.

Now the “Do I just give up and throw it
all away” circles in my head. The
“Nothing last forever” hunts my daily
existence. The thoughts won’t transform
into words followed by actions. And as
we hang by a thread you dangle the
scissors on the rope. What to do when
all I ever had was you and that doesn’t
exit anymore? “Pick up your luggage
and leave while you still can, that’s what
I would do if I were you.”
Head=Arms=Legs=Move.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Painting Pretty Portraits

Buy me a pretty portrait of what we
should look like, every body else has. I
revive heading crappy music to
remember other times and other faces. It
wasn’t the person, it was the sex. And
that one wasn’t important but he sure as
hell made me feel that way. I didn’t love
him, just loved being loved. I would give
anything to go back to less meaningful
days. Nothing fills me better then
nothing. Empty from the core makes it
easy to survive. But now if you hurt I
hurt and if you break I break. We
are together for better or for worse. But I
can still manage to hate you after all that
love. I can still need to hurt you when
the day ends. Healthy breaking bones
after supper. Kiss you with my eyes
open and see myself kissing you. Tear
myself apart from us enough to look at
the bigger picture. Then there’s some
talk about the future, shallow words of
marriage, kids and a picket fence. I-love-
you? You-love-me? Things never seem
to go better and then the wall hits you
right in the face. I don’t love you. You
don’t love me. Those movie moments
don’t happen. The sky won’t turn blue
and we won’t go off into the night on a
horse. “Problem is decisions have
already been made and you are on a 1st
class ticket to hell. Sorry but keep your
hands and head in the window at all
times.” I think when you hear these
things its time to leave the building, but
how to get out of this life? I’m stuck to
you and there is no way out of this one. I
say enjoy the ride while it last, even if
eternity kills it.

Monday, January 21, 2008

songs in my head 38

Who'd want to be men of the people
When there's people like you?

Teddy Picker-Arctic Monkeys

Despair to the point till they provoke
The punchline before they have told the joke
The sheer desperation to be scene/seen
Staring at the television screen

Despair to the point where they provoke
You to tell the fucking punchline before you have told the joke
Sorry sunshine it doesn't exist
It wasn't in the top 100 list

And it's the thousandth time and it's even bolder,
Don't be surprised when you get bent over,
He told ya, that you were gagging for it

She saw it and she grabbed it and it wasn't what it seemed
The kids all dream of making it, whatever that means
Another variation on a theme
A tangle on the television and the magazine
D'you reckon that they do it for a joke?
D'you reckon that they make 'em take an oath?
That says "we are defenders
Of any poseur or professional pretender around"

When did your list replace the twist and turn?
Ah the fist, replaced the kissed-on concern
And if you're bothered, I don't want your prayers
Save it for the morning after

And it's the thousandth time and it's even bolder,
Don't be surprised when you get bent over,
He told ya, that you were gagging for it

Lets have a game on the Teddy Picker
Not quick enough can I have it quicker?
Already thick and you're getting thicker
Lets have a game on the Teddy Picker
Not quick enough can I have it quicker?
Already thick and you're getting thicker

Asuming that all things are equal,
Who'd want to be men of the people
When there's people like you?

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Songs in my head 37

I've fallen inlove...